I had a dream about you last night...
I dreamed I told you I was pregnant. I whispered it in your ear as you walked in the door. You paused, turning to look at my over your shoulder. You looked frightened and excited. My heart leaped in to my throat.
We lived in a world that was minimal. Resources had run dry and we were barely surviving. It wasn't like some explosion had occurred or we were suddenly driven into this lifestyle. It was progression and we adapted.
We lived well in this kind of world. We both had jobs and maintained our life as easy as possible, despite that we went to work with guns strapped to our hips in case looters ever crossed our paths.
But the look on your face in that moment. That look said it all. The look reminded me of everything we'd ever fought for, everything that had occurred. In a moment, I felt so much love for you. It reminded me that no matter what happens, I still want my future with you.
I woke to you next to me. I rolled over and held you tightly.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Thursday, April 11, 2013
As the stars lean down to kiss you
I had a dream about you last night...
It was brief. I followed one of your friends to a bachelor party. At first I assumed it was for you. I was surprised you were getting married so quickly after our divorce. I pull in behind the supposed groomsman and I follow him in. There were people every where. Everyone knew who I was, but no one asked why I was there. I asked where you were and they said upstairs. I nodded my head and proceeded up there. There was a couple, I could only see the woman. They were the happy pair-to-be and everyone was congratulating them. Someone turned and I noticed you weren't the groom. I sighed with relief. I continued on my journey and opened every door. It was always someone else with some mistress. I then opened the bathroom, and there you were with her in your lap. She turned and looked at me, that same fake glint in those blue eyes and that mousy blond hair. Your jaw hit the floor and you didn't know what to say to me. I swallowed hard and left the room, slamming the door behind me.
I woke up with the slam. I was surprised. I didn't know you both could invade my dreams like that.
I wish you would just leave me alone.
It was brief. I followed one of your friends to a bachelor party. At first I assumed it was for you. I was surprised you were getting married so quickly after our divorce. I pull in behind the supposed groomsman and I follow him in. There were people every where. Everyone knew who I was, but no one asked why I was there. I asked where you were and they said upstairs. I nodded my head and proceeded up there. There was a couple, I could only see the woman. They were the happy pair-to-be and everyone was congratulating them. Someone turned and I noticed you weren't the groom. I sighed with relief. I continued on my journey and opened every door. It was always someone else with some mistress. I then opened the bathroom, and there you were with her in your lap. She turned and looked at me, that same fake glint in those blue eyes and that mousy blond hair. Your jaw hit the floor and you didn't know what to say to me. I swallowed hard and left the room, slamming the door behind me.
I woke up with the slam. I was surprised. I didn't know you both could invade my dreams like that.
I wish you would just leave me alone.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Kryptonite
I had a dream about both of you last night....
You were standing in our apartment. You were looking at me while you were getting ready for work. Everything was normal. Everything was the same. It was like were going through our normal routine. You kissed me good-bye and you were out the door. Never to be seen again.
The other...you...
I was out of town and at the video store. You were working behind the cash register, wearing a red shirt. You smiled at me so wide it made my skin crawl. You followed me out of the store and came up behind me. You pulled me into your lap and your hand went up the inside of my thigh. Slowly you tried to spread them and whispered in my ear, "Call me Daddy..." I cringed and you could feel it. I felt you smile in return. I stood out of your lap and I was dressed in lingerie. I didn't know how you did it, but I felt so vulnerable. I felt like I couldn't escape your eyes. You were always there, smiling at me. I tried to run away, but you never left my side.
I woke with a feeling of loneliness and disgust. I miss you, but the other...The other I know you're around the corner. This is what always happens.
You were standing in our apartment. You were looking at me while you were getting ready for work. Everything was normal. Everything was the same. It was like were going through our normal routine. You kissed me good-bye and you were out the door. Never to be seen again.
The other...you...
I was out of town and at the video store. You were working behind the cash register, wearing a red shirt. You smiled at me so wide it made my skin crawl. You followed me out of the store and came up behind me. You pulled me into your lap and your hand went up the inside of my thigh. Slowly you tried to spread them and whispered in my ear, "Call me Daddy..." I cringed and you could feel it. I felt you smile in return. I stood out of your lap and I was dressed in lingerie. I didn't know how you did it, but I felt so vulnerable. I felt like I couldn't escape your eyes. You were always there, smiling at me. I tried to run away, but you never left my side.
I woke with a feeling of loneliness and disgust. I miss you, but the other...The other I know you're around the corner. This is what always happens.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Feels Like Letting Go
I had a dream about you last night...
I called you, just to see if I could. I dialed your number and you answered. I was shocked for the fact that I remembered your number and that you would actually answer.
"Hello?"
"Oh wow..."
"I thought it was you."
"Yeah, I didn't think you'd answer."
"Well I did."
"I was just checking in."
"I'm fine."
"Are you still together."
"Yes...no...yes..."
You couldn't make up your mind. We went on in a long and deep conversation in which I couldn't remember. I told you about the letters I sent. You said you didn't know, but you'd look at them. Then you acted as if you'd read them and you felt badly for not responding. Then you sounded like you didn't know me.
We hung up and I felt empty.
I called you, just to see if I could. I dialed your number and you answered. I was shocked for the fact that I remembered your number and that you would actually answer.
"Hello?"
"Oh wow..."
"I thought it was you."
"Yeah, I didn't think you'd answer."
"Well I did."
"I was just checking in."
"I'm fine."
"Are you still together."
"Yes...no...yes..."
You couldn't make up your mind. We went on in a long and deep conversation in which I couldn't remember. I told you about the letters I sent. You said you didn't know, but you'd look at them. Then you acted as if you'd read them and you felt badly for not responding. Then you sounded like you didn't know me.
We hung up and I felt empty.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Music of the night
I had a dream about you last night.
You died. You asked if we could bury you alive. We did. And by "we" I mean the entire family. We buried you in a giant box like the ones you put dress shirts in to give presents. We buried you in the box with your husband and placed you in the ground. It was shallow.
I cried. I sobbed. I wailed. I was so distraught. Mostly, I was distraught because I felt like I wasn't fair to you. I felt like I hadn't done anything right towards you and I spent so many years loathing you that it was hurtful and wrong. Another member of the family felt the same. But I told her she was fake. I constantly screamed at her. I told her how she was just too different because she was too fake.
Later in the dream I confided in different people and told them all my feelings. They told me I should make amends. My apology was digging you up and asking you why you wanted to be buried. You were still alive and you sat up in your small little box. You told me you wanted to die because you didn't want to grow old. It's awful and you're tired of it. I handed you a doughnut and you laid back down. I reburied you and the smell of the doughnut was awful.
I woke up tired and drained with mixed feelings. You're a member of my family that I do not understand. You pick favorites and I'm never it. I stopped trying to be. I just wanted to be accepted and you've never given me that. You've caused so much drama for my family and myself. I'm confused. I don't know how my subconscious feels that I've done you so wrong when you've barely done right for me.
You died. You asked if we could bury you alive. We did. And by "we" I mean the entire family. We buried you in a giant box like the ones you put dress shirts in to give presents. We buried you in the box with your husband and placed you in the ground. It was shallow.
I cried. I sobbed. I wailed. I was so distraught. Mostly, I was distraught because I felt like I wasn't fair to you. I felt like I hadn't done anything right towards you and I spent so many years loathing you that it was hurtful and wrong. Another member of the family felt the same. But I told her she was fake. I constantly screamed at her. I told her how she was just too different because she was too fake.
Later in the dream I confided in different people and told them all my feelings. They told me I should make amends. My apology was digging you up and asking you why you wanted to be buried. You were still alive and you sat up in your small little box. You told me you wanted to die because you didn't want to grow old. It's awful and you're tired of it. I handed you a doughnut and you laid back down. I reburied you and the smell of the doughnut was awful.
I woke up tired and drained with mixed feelings. You're a member of my family that I do not understand. You pick favorites and I'm never it. I stopped trying to be. I just wanted to be accepted and you've never given me that. You've caused so much drama for my family and myself. I'm confused. I don't know how my subconscious feels that I've done you so wrong when you've barely done right for me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)